My Kids Gladly Help with Chores

I am amazed at how many kids tell me they don’t do chores. There is a fun finish-the-sentences writing activity I do with some of my tutoring students. The sentence goes, “At my house, every day I get to do chores to help out. My chores are…” I ask, “Do you make your bed?” That’s usually a No. “Do you put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher?”

My kids gladly help with chores – and yours will, too, if you follow these three tips.

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Acknowledge Their Contribution, not just the Chore.

Do you catch yourself saying, “How many times have I told you to pick up your toys?” “You didn’t finish taking out the garbage.” “Why didn’t you put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher?”

Instead, tell your children how their effort helps the family. It could sound like: “When you put your dishes in the dishwasher, it makes cleanup faster, and we get more time together.”

“When I came into the living room and saw the toys cleaned up without me asking you to, I said, Wow! Your initiative made me happy. That’s a big-kid move.”

“Thanks for being dependable to feed the dog. I’m sure __dog’s name__ thanks you.”

“I noticed you hung up your bath towel to dry. Thank you for taking good care of your things.”

Here are a few examples of what to say when you need help:

“__Child’s name__, would you be willing to help me by getting the trash in the bathrooms? Tomorrow is garbage day, and it would make tomorrow morning easier if I took the garbage out tonight. Here are two new bags for the bathrooms.”

“I am feeling like there is a lot to do before we leave. I want us to leave on time for our friend’s house. Would you be willing to help me…while I do…? Let’s work together to leave soon. We are going to have so much fun tonight.”

Remember, we’re acknowledging their contributions, not just the chore that needs doing. There’s connection, working together as a team, and an identity that “I’m helpful. I’m capable. Mom needs me. Mom likes my help.” Now there’s a want to help and value in helping, not compliance. Meaning, I did it because Mom made me. I did it so Mom stops complaining. No bribery or compliance is needed when we acknowledge their contribution.

Speak Life Badges sticker awards for kids say I am a helper and I obey with joy. Kids love stickers, especially stickers that acknowledge their contribution and helping hand.

Make Chores Routine and Shared Teamwork

First of all, routine chores eliminate daily negotiations or deciding moment-to-moment who is going to do what.

Andrew and I did this when we got our dog, Aurora. When she was a puppy, I was in the habit of getting up at 4:30-5 am. We agreed that I had early morning puppy duty, where I would take her for a walk and feed her because I was up. During the day, the kids were on puppy duty, and in the late afternoons and evenings when I was tutoring, Andrew had puppy walking and feeding duty. Basically, when he was home from work. Expectations were clear. We didn’t have any miscommunication about who was taking the puppy out. The puppy chore was routine and shared teamwork among the whole family. Everyone had the opportunity to take ownership.

There are so many ways you can do this. Chore charts, age-appropriate tasks, clean-up songs, and tidying up before bed. I’m not going to give you specifics here. We’ve done chores in lots of different ways over the years as the children grew or work shifts changed. Decide together what is best for your family in the season you are in.

When You Feel Overwhelmed by the Chores

If at any time you feel like the maid, left in the kitchen to clean up, like the only one who does a chore, and any feelings of resentment, that’s a great time to gather the family together and say, “I’m feeling as though I’m the maid, cleaning up after everyone. I love taking care of our home and family, but I’m feeling tired. We are a family, and I would be grateful for helping hands to share the task. I need help now doing….. Can we share this task?”

That’s how you communicate better with your children and spouse, so say this early. Don’t let resentment grow. We all contribute because we live here. Ask for help.

One more valuable thing to say here is, as you are agreeing on what chores happen when, decide on what “done” looks like. Done means crumbs are gone, chairs are pushed in, laundry is off the floor and in drawers. You get the idea.

Use Connection Before Correction

When you get pushback on chores, use connection before correction. Often, when we get resistance to chores or doing homework or reading for fifteen minutes at night, we go straight to correction. “I don’t care if you don’t want to. Do it anyway.”

Instead, try this 3-step connection—especially with sensitive kids. It only takes a few seconds and patience.

Step 1: Say calmly but firmly, “I get it – you don’t feel like it.” Validate it.

Step 2: “And it’s still your responsibility.” That’s a boundary. No excuses.

Step 3: “Do you want to start with the cups or the plates?” Offer them a choice. That’s it.

Here’s another example:

Step 1: “I get it – you’re tired and have been at school all day.” Validate it.

Step 2: “And it’s still your responsibility to read for 15 minutes.” That’s a boundary. No excuses.

Step 3: “Do you want to start with this joke book or chapter book?” Offer them a choice.

Now, if your child melts down, say, “Let’s take a moment to reset and try that again. Then we’ll do the first minutes together.” That’s teamwork. I’m on your side, but the task is still yours. You’re not removing the boundary—you’re removing the fight.

Looking for a Special, Sticky Way to Communicate and Encourage Your Kids?

Speak Life Badges sticker awards have many stickers to encourage your kids when there’s pushback. I obey right away, I am diligent, I am faithful, I am successful, I stayed faithful to the task, I work with excellence, I did not give up. I kept trying, I am hardworking, I am committed. So many valuable character qualities to encourage in your children.

When Charlotte got her I am a great reader sticker, she said no one else had made her feel so happy about her reading before. Your words of life with a Speak Life Badge are a powerful duo. You can get Speak Life Badges sticker award books here.

Need Help Communicating with Your Kids?

Feel stuck in criticism, negativity, or constant correction? Always calling out what your kids do wrong? Shift your communication to connection, encouragement, and motivation with Renewed Mama Coaching. Go to Renewed Mama Coaching and book your first two coaching chats with me.

Your parenting, the peace in your home, better relationships with your children, less outbursts and temper tantrums, and a strong, positive mom mindset can be yours.  Reach out at Renewed Mama Coaching.