Calling Children Up and Not Out
“Haven’t I told you already to stop jumping off the couch?”
“Can you just sit down? Use inside voices. It’s so noisy in here. I can’t hear myself think.”
“What are you doing to your sister? Stop pulling her hair.”
“Slow down. Stop running. If you need to run around, go outside.”
“How many times have I told you to pick up these Lego. I’m tired of stepping on them.”
Mama, did we just step into your home or mine? Because I have said all of those before!
Every day kids get called out. Be quiet. Sit down. Slow down. What are you doing to your sister? Why can’t you share?
They get called OUT for what they didn’t do right. How they didn’t fall in line, follow directions, and perform.
I want to challenge you to instead, call them UP not out. Call them up to a higher standard. Call them up to greatness.
CALLING YOUR CHILDREN UP TO GREATNESS
Instead of putting them down, say: “I love you and I see a lot in you. I’m calling you UP to a new way of responding.
Thank you for listening when it’s time to listen. Thank you for talking when it’s time to talk.
And thank you for putting your hands to work when it’s time to get the job done.”
As moms, dads, educators, and coaches, we can be intentional about the words we choose to say to our children and students.
Calling them OUT invites negativity, criticism, and shame. On the other hand, calling them UP to more, to all that they are meant to be invites hope, belief, and blessings for their future.
So what does calling them Up sound like? What should you say instead? Watch this video podcast as we talk about obedience, whining and complaining, diligence, and high energy.
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CALLING YOUR CHILDREN UP TO OBEDIENCE
Are you struggling with your children obeying directions right away? Do they say, “O, come on Mom, do I have to?” or throw a temper tantrum?
There are two reasons to be especially consistent with obeying right away. One is safety. If you need to shout “Stop!” or “Don’t touch” you need them to obey right away at the sound of your voice and warning for their safety.
You also want them to grow up with the habit of obeying right away because obeying us is obeying God and we want them to have a tender heart toward obeying God when He speaks to them or impresses upon them to do something.
So instead of saying, “Do it now because I said so,” try saying, “I believe in you to obey right away the first time I ask. This keeps you safe. What if I shouted, Don’t touch! but you decided you didn’t want to obey and you touched. You would have a pretty serious hurt on your hand, right?”
Or say, “I believe in you to obey right away, because this blesses our family and helps us to get out the door on time so that we don’t keep our friends waiting for us.”
You can also say, “Would you like to try that again, this time obeying right away with a good attitude? Someday God will ask you to do something for Him and I want you to obey Him right away because it will bring good things into your life.”
Then award them with a Speak Life Badge that says, I Obey Right Away and I Obey with Joy.
CALLING YOUR CHILDREN UP WHEN THEY COMPLAIN
Is there a lot of whining and complaining going on in your house? Try saying, “Would you like to try that again this time without a whine?”
“Does whining and complaining open the door to good things in your life? Can you expect to keep good friends when you complain all the time? Can you expect to be chosen for the team or club if you whine and argue? No one wants to hang around with a whiner, do they?”
“Can Daddy expect to earn a promotion or a pay raise if he whines and complains to his boss? No. I know this isn’t going the way you want or hoped it would, but how can you choose to be thankful instead?”
Then award them with a Speak Life Badge that says I Am Thankful. Say, “It would bring me so much joy to give you this sticker award because you choose to be thankful instead of complaining.”
CALLING YOUR CHILDREN UP TO DILIGENCE
Let’s say your child is not diligent. They are pretty lazy. Getting them to help around the house is like pulling teeth.
Remember, your words and your thoughts about your child are powerful. Your words have the power to call into being what is not yet there in your child.
Say, “You have everything in you to be diligent. I believe that about you.”
“Think of a runner. We just saw the Summer Olympics. What those athletes can do is amazing! But they didn’t wake up one day and say, I’m going to run in a marathon and then do it the next day. He doesn’t win the race or break the world record the first time he hits the track and runs a race. It takes practice. Training. It takes purpose in every step he takes. It takes eating good food and getting good sleep.
There’s no time to be lazy or to waste time. He keeps going and keeps trying. Maybe he crosses the finish line in 10th place, then 5th place, then 3rd place. It takes a lot of diligence, doesn’t it? But he gets better, right? It’s the same for you. The more you try, the more you practice, stay careful in your work, be thorough, and focused, you’ll get it. You’ll win! And it will get easier. How about we do this together to practice diligence?”
“I’d love to give you this Speak Life Badge because I see diligence in you.” Then give them the I Am Diligent sticker award badge.
CALLING CHILDREN UP WHEN HIGH-ENERGY
How about a high-energy child? I was high-energy as a kid. Here’s what you can say to call them up, not out especially for your students. Say this at the start of the school day as they come into the classroom or to your child as they sit down to do their math at the dining room table.
“All of your amazing energy brings me so much joy. I love that about you. Today, I know you are going to take all of that great energy inside of you and use it to stay focused and work with diligence. I believe in you to stay on task and get this work finished and have fun. Would you wear this sticker badge so that everyone knows that you use your energy to do amazing work?!”
That’s belief and hope! That’s speaking life. Isn’t that so much better than “Sit down! Crazy, wild kid!”
To whom today can you call UP to greatness? What will you intentionally say to them today?
CALLING OUT THE GOLD IN YOUR CHILDREN
Look for the gold in your children and call it out. They are valuable and can make right decisions. They can follow through and lend a helping hand. It is possible for them to learn to share. You don’t know what one word of encouragement you share can be the life and hope they need to keep going.
I know it drives you crazy sometimes. I know you wish they would just do the thing or follow directions or listen the first time because it’s so much easier on everyone and life just runs smoothly. And there would be less fighting and strife at home. It would be more fun.
But as you celebrate the gold in them, they will want to work on their issues. By the way, don’t we all have issues? You may have victory and success and a proven track record in one area of your life but also be experiencing defeat or struggle in another area of your life. We all are on a journey and learning and growing.
I’d love for you to share in the comments when someone called out the gold in your life and it was exactly what you needed to keep going.
Use a Speak Life Badges sticker awards to call your children up. Badge phrases like: I am honoring, I am patient, I overcame fear, I am a helper, I choose right, I speak the truth, I did not give up. I kept trying. I use time wisely and many more. Get them at speaklifebadges.com.
Austin the Hedgehog has activity postcards that call your children up and not out. Some postcard themes are: Having fun and choosing joy even when things don’t go their way. Choosing self-control. What is peer influence? How to choose good friends. Honoring others by treating them with kindness and respect. Monitoring their own screen time
Learn more about Austin’s Kids Club at austinskidsclub.com.
NEED HELP CALLING YOUR CHILDREN UP AND NOT OUT?
I pray this blesses you, Mama.
If you need any help calling your children up and not out. If you need any help with parenting, speaking life to yourself and your children, renewing your thoughts, words, and responses, I am here for you. Mama to Mama.
Go now to www.coaching.renewedmamacoaching.com and let’s chat together and get your questions and concerns answered.
Your parenting, the peace in your home, better relationships with your children, less outbursts and temper tantrums, and a strong, positive mom mindset can be yours. Reach out at coaching.renewedmamacoaching.com.
